Our Newest Book Release: This is Your Brain in Love

For the last year Dr. Henslin and I have been writing about the world's greatest and most complicated topic: Love. Then we combined that with the world's second most complicated topic: The Brain . I'm pleased to announce that This is Your Brain in Love is now available on Amazon now, and in bookstores soon. (Click on Image of book to the right and it will take you to the Amazon page.)

This is Your Brain in Love shares a fresh way of looking at relationships; one that greatly upsizes the success of marital therapy by taking individual brain health into consideration as a major factor in being happily wed.

Dr. Henslin discusses the 5 Lover Types (when out of balance) and how to:

1) bring your best, healthiest happiest brain to your relationship and
2) support your spouse's efforts to heal/work around their own brain issues.

5 Lover Types in a nutshell are:

Scattered Lover(ADD,creative-ditzy, messy)
Blue Mood Lover(From Numb to Deeply Depressed)
Over-Focused Lover(Get stuck on grievance like a dog with a bone)
Anxious Lover
(Easily triggered to fear and nervousness)
Agitated Lover
(Prone to anger or irritation)

Here's a sneak peek at Table of Contents as well:


Chapter 1: This Is Your Brain in Love---Or Is It on Drugs?
Chapter 2: Sexuality and Spirituality: Divine Balm for Your Soul and Brain
Chapter 3: Bring Your Best Brain to the Marriage!
Chapter 4: The Scattered Lover (Prefrontal Cortex)
Chapter 5: The Overfocused Lover (Cingulate Gyrus)
Chapter 6: The Blue Mood Lover (Deep Limbic System)
Chapter 7: The Agitated Lover (Temporal Lobes)
Chapter 8: The Anxious Lover (Basal Ganglia)
Chapter 9: The Ancient Secret to Lasting Love

Appendix A: The Joy Diet
Appendix B: SPECT Scans
Appendix C: New Hope: Women and Hormones
Appendix D: New Hope: Men and Sexual Addiction
Okay, that's a little appetizer.

This is Your Brain on Joy is still available with 100 reviews on Amazon (almost all 4 & 5 star) and will remains a great "first primer" for people who are curious about how the brain can be tweaked to experience the joy we were created to know.

My Christmas Wish: To "Rise Above"

(Greg and I enjoying Christmas at Rockefeller Plaza last week in New York City!)

Since the holidays came upon us, my poor lonely blog has been neglected. Truth be told, we've had so much company, grand-toddlers & activity that I've precious little time for a deep thought. Last week I enjoyed Christmas in New York City with Greg: a week full of adventure and discovery, walking and walking, which seemed to add balance to my life which is often, too often, lived in the thoughts in my head.


But this morning, I've finally had the chance to be still and listen to what my heart is learning and saying. The term "rise above" has taken my fancy of late. I think it started with, of all things, an episode of Grey's Anatomy. One of the main characters, an African American surgeon and strong mother figure on the show, is called upon to perform surgery on a hate-filled racist who has a swastika tattooed on his chest.


Before she touches knife to his skin, she pauses, prays, and asks God to help her "rise above." In other words, she asked for supernatural strength to use her gifts to heal rather than kill or wound or mar, even though the unconscious man she's operating on would have loved to have seen her dead simply for the color of her skin. "Rising above" is a level of living I am aspiring to, rather than the less thoughtful, less prayerful habit of reacting either in retribution or ruminating. When we choose to "rise" instead of "react" we are, after all, a little closer to heaven.


I've noticed, also, that the more emotionally balanced, secure in love, and busy being happy and helpful that I am, there's an improvement in my general generosity of heart and ability to extend grace or move on from a slight. In the movie Last Chance Harvey, the father, Dustin Hoffman is in a bad emotional place. He's made mistakes he's not yet dealt with, particularly as a father, and so his hurt is compounded when his daughter tells him that she's asked her stepfather (who has been there for her through the years), to walk her down the aisle. He slinks away as soon as he can from the painful situation and stumbles upon a straight-talking woman who befriends him and takes him just as he is.


Their like turns to love in a short time (as happens in the movies), and she accompanies him to his daughter's wedding reception. Buoyed by renewed hope and love in a newly blossoming relationship, Dustin is able to "rise above" his hurt, and to deliver a graceful, loving and grateful toast to his daughter, new son in law and even to the stepfather. Feeling joyful , along with realizing we are loved and accepted, is like helium to the heart; allowing us to "rise above" wounding people or painful circumstances with greater ease.


You see it in the classic Christmas Carol where somehow, Bob Crachit, a man poor in material things but rich in grace, rises above Scrooge's harsh and stingy ways. Bob, as it turns out, is what some would call "The Christ Figure" in this story. The person who sees the best in the rest, because he understands the "story behind the man he became" the way God knows the stories behind who we are and the sometimes shameful ways we behave. And loves us, still.


But most of all we see it in the story of God coming down to dwell among humanity, and then rising above our selfishness and blindsightedness to show us how to be more than we thought we could ever be. To show us how loved we are, what worth we have to the Father, and with that joy firmly inside we can give also give "Joy to the World." Jesus came to show us how to, in Don Miller's words, "live a better story" on earth. One where generosity of heart, gladness of soul, and forgiveness as a way of life. In short, he showed us how to rise above.


That's what I want for Christmas this year: less ruminating, less resentment, less reactivity... and many more experiences of Rising Above.

"Sometimes a light surprises a Christian when he sings;

it is the Lord who rises with healing in his wings."

(From an old hymn...)

Guest Blogger: Life Coach, Author, Reformed Perfectionist: Joan Webb!

I love all my friends, but it is amazing how many of them -- who I could happily spend hours of conversation with -- are either writers, therapists or life coaches. Inevitably all three come with deeply human, relatable stories. Also, most tend to be excellent listeners, as eager to share, as they are curious to listen and learn something new from you. In short, delightful company.

One such person in my life is Joan Webb. When I first met the vivacious Joan, and listened as she openly and honestly shared her struggles to stop doing it all, and do it perfectly, I was all ears. Then she shared some of her written thoughts and stories -- about how she put a stop to overcaring, overfixing, overworking and well, over-everythinging. I found that not only could I not put her manuscript down, but that the more I read, the more relaxed and free I felt.

Today it is my pleasure to be a "whistle stop" on Joan's blog tour for her newest devotional book for any woman who struggles with trying to do it all perfectly, and falling short every day. (Or every hour!) The book is called It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive Too Hard to Make it Just Right (Regal, 2009). Below is a sample devotion. It sure spoke to my over-striving heart this morning, and I hope it also soothes yours.

Uncomplicated Delight

God is more powerful than man is. -Ecclesiastes 6:10, NCV

I sat in the auditorium next to the guests I’d invited to join me for this special event. While engrossed in the beautiful music, it dawned on me: Joan, you’re enjoying this concert for the sheer pleasure of it, without being preoccupied with your guests' thoughts, feelings or reactions. I smiled then and I’m smiling now as I remember.

For years an overzealous sense of responsibility overshadowed my personal enjoyment. When I invited another person to attend a church service, concert or even a luncheon, I felt duty-bound to see that she enjoyed the time and gained new insight. Now I realize that I’m not responsible for someone else’s perceptions, attitudes or knowledge.

Through my years of life coaching and speaking, I’ve noticed an epidemic of over-helping. Those of us who want to join God in his work sometimes live by a false premise that we must fix what’s broken, heal what hurts, and right what’s wrong (in our opinion.) This over-active sense of responsibility can lead us to believe we’re more powerful than we really are. It’s exhausting.

God is the Almighty One, and he wants to release us from this unnecessary responsibility. He is the one in charge of the world, not us. When we give him our shoulds, musts, and ough- tos, we begin to live in genuine freedom. What uncomplicated delight!

Lord, I'm not responsible for anyone else's life fulfillment.

Only my own.

Making It Personal: Jot down an unreasonable I should or I must that has worn you out and threatened to keep you from experiencing your own satisfaction or pleasure.

If you'd like to join Joan's blog train tour and receive more samples of Joan's devos this month, the next stop will be at http://www.skyesofblue.blogspot.com/ tomorrow! Or check out all the stops at http://www.joancwebbblog.com/imperfect-blog-tour/.

Here's to a day of letting go and relaxing into our wonderful, imperfect lives!

Dinner for a Dozen in 30 Minutes!

I often tease that if I had a cooking show it would be The Fastest (and Messiest) Cook in the West. Tonight we had 12 people coming for dinner & a game of Texas Hold'em. It's been a snowy weekend so we weren't sure it was going to happen until almost the last miunte. So I pulled a dinner together for 12 in no time flat without breaking a sweat. Then I thought, "Hey, my blog readers might enjoy having this menu as an easy meal to throw together for holiday company!" So here you go.

The menu was Homemade Chili, ham & cheese rolls, sliced pineapple, sliced carrots, and Rotel Cheese Dip with tortilla chips. Nothing fancy, but came together well, and was so, so easy. Plus it filled up a crowd!

On your mark, get set... COOK!

First start the chili. Brown 3 lbs ground beef with a 2 cloves garlic (I use a garlic press but you can use canned or garlic powder...) in a large stock pot. While meat is browning, open 2 32 oz. cans fire roasted diced tomatoes, 2 16 oz. cans Ranch Style Beans and 1 16 oz. can black beans. As soon as meat is browned, drain any grease and add all 5 cans to beef. To this, add 1 heaping tablespoon cumin powder, 2 t.
grill or steak seasoning, 2 T. Thai sweet chili sauce (or if you don't have this, add 1 T. brown sugar and dash Tabasco). Finally toss in about 1/2 c. picante sauce.
Check seasonings and let simmer...uncovered. (You can also toss in leftover corn, any chopped tomatoes that are needing to be used up, bits of leftover roast or steak... )

Now, using 16 large prebaked dinner rolls.. (I highly recommend Sister Schuberts rolls - that now come in frozen food section at Sam's; but Hawaiian or Potato rolls from the deli are also nice..) place them on your largest cookie sheet(s). Slice each roll open and squirt a bit of your favorite mustard on each. Stuff with 2 slices of deli thin ham (folded over) and little square of cheese. (I just tore American cheese slices in quarters.) Cover with foil and bake at 350 until warm.

While chili simmers and rolls are heating... microwave 1 can Rotel tomatoes with 16 oz of Velveeta cheese in a big oven proof covered bowl, until melted. Stir. Pour tortilla chips in a bowl. Queso and chips, done. Keep queso covered to keep warm until serving time.

Now peel and slice 6 carrots (or use mini pre-peeled ones).. arrange around a little bowl of Ranch Dressing. (Or conscript a helper to do this for you!)

Slice a fresh pineapple. Here's how I do it. Fast, fast! Cut off top and bottom. Stand upright and cut in quarters. Take knife and slice the core (long triangle shape)off of each quarter. Then run a sharp long knife around the skin of the pineapple to remove fruit. Then slice pineapple in thin pieces... and serve.

Put grated cheese, chopped green onion and sour cream in 3 bowls on a big serving plate to garnish chili.

Call troops in for dinner. Use paper bowls and plates to make your life easier.

Serve slice and bake cookies for dessert, warm from the oven..

Everybody's happy. You've filled up a hungry crew without knocking yourself out in the kitchen all day!

"Tear Down that Wall!" Memories from a 7 Year Old German Boy's Eyes

(Dr. Earl Henslin's lovely daughter Amy with her German Love,Stephan Benzmann)

One of the perks of working with Dr. Earl Henslin on the book This is Your Brain on Joy was meeting his lovely, kind, and talented daughter Amy who often assisted us in gathering information or promotional help. During this time Amy fell in love with one Stephan Benzmann, who is from Germany. Her already beautiful smile seemed to grow wider and wider.

This week, the 20th anniversary of the "Fall of the Wall", Amy shared with me how deeply significant this day was to her boyfriend, Stephan, and so many of the Germans who never dreamed this day would come. It was to so many Germans, what the election of a black President must have been to so many African Americans. They truly never thought this day would come. And here.. it was. I love it when dreams that seem too crazy to come true... somehow, do.

Stephan was seven years old, twenty years ago, and I asked him if he would please share his memories of the event in honor and celebration of the 20th Anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall. He graciously did and here his recollection, in his own words.

I was eight when we got the news that the wall fell and East Germans were allowed to cross the boarder. My family was touched by what happened because my dad and his family flew out of East Germany to West Germany in order to cross the border in Berlin one year before the wall was build. The stories he tells today about this experience seem unreal. When I was 6 or 7 I was in Berlin a year before the wall fell. I remember standing in front of the Brandenburg Gate wondering what is behind it. I remember how it took us eight hours to be allowed to cross the border in our car, how they checked everything, how they walked in the rain with our passport just to be rude and how they copied everything written we had with us.

The day the wall fell "accidentally" was very emotional. I watched TV with my mom when they said in the news that they will open the borders. My mom called my dad who was still in his office and told him to come home. He didn´t believe her that they opened the border and it took him some time to come home. When he saw on TV that it was real he started crying. I had never seen my dad crying before...

The next day we drove to the border in Lauenburg where they had a checkpoint. My parents said that they needed to see it otherwise they wouldn’t believe it. The scenes at the border were unbelievable. People were crying, celebrating and hugging people they’d never seen before. Everybody was just happy. The West Germans welcomed every East German car by hitting their Trabbis (this is what East German cars were called, they only had two brands)with their hands. I will always remember when one East German lady was running towards an East German soldier crying "Why did you do that to us? Answer me! Why did you do that to us?"

A few weeks later we travelled to Berlin. We hammered little pieces out the wall by ourselves and we walked through the Brandenburg Gate for the first time......
When I had an internship at the German parliament a few years ago I had to walk through the Brandenburg Gate every day in order to reach the parliament building. I felt blessed every time that I walked through it, that this wall fell, that families or even married couples aren’t divided by this wall anymore, and that all Germans can live in peace and freedom today.
Well that was in a very, very, very short way what I remember about the Wall. I started writing everything down in German, so I don’t have it in English. If you have any questions please fell free to ask.

Thank you so much, Stephan. I post this on Veteran's Day, a day that is so significant to me now since 3 summers ago, when Greg and I went to Europe with two World War 2 vets who were portrayed in the movie, The Band of Brothers. At one of the stops, a war memorial, we met an old German vet, who went up to Buck Compton and Don Malarky to shake hands. Amazing to see men who were forced to fight against each other so many years ago, now shaking hands, smiling and putting the awful past behind them. This is what freedom is, isn't it?

It is not only when walls of brick and mortar fall, but when hearts of hate and anger and opposition also give way to reconciliation and friendship.

I wonder today, what walls in my own life, perhaps, need to fall?

Thai Pineapple Chicken Curry

The first time I went to a thai restaurant on a visit to California, it was love at first bite. I started with a wonderful coconut lemongrass soup and dove into my first taste of spicy, peanuty Pad Thai, and haven't stopped craving thai food since. But I'm still learning and trying out many of the dishes. My friend, Carolyn Purcell, encouraged me to try the Pineapple Curry, which is nothing like the Indian curries I'm not crazy about. I fell in love, again. I've since had it two more times and made my own version tonight. Red curry paste is made of ground chilis, garlic, lemongrass, salt and kefir lime and you can buy a little jar of it on the aisle of almost any oriental aisle at major grocery stores. Coconut milk is also very easy to find on the oriental food aisle. It's a sweet/ savory dish.

1 to 1 1/2 T. red curry paste
1(13.5 ounce) cans coconut milk
3 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into thin strips
salt or fish sauce or soy sauce to taste
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 small onion, chopped
1 firmly cooked sweet potato, peeled and diced
(optional green and red pepper slices)
1 cup pineapple tidbits, drained

(Jasmine Rice cooked to make about 4 cups)
.
Saute thinly sliced chicken in wok or big skillet, along with onion, sweet potato and red/green pepper (if you like) season with a little salt or fish sauce or soy sauce. In a bowl, whisk together curry paste, sugar and 1 can coconut milk. Pour over chicken and vegies and cook until sauce is hot and bubbly. Check seasonings to taste.

3. Remove from heat, and stir in pineapple. Serve in bowls over the cooked rice. You can add a slice of lime for garnish and extra zip if you like.

I like to use a spoon to get every drop of the sauce.

Cheesy Chicken Sour Cream Enchiladas (with Guac & Marg Bonus Recipes)

It's snowing here in Denver and I just enjoyed the last leftover enchilada to warm myself up! I've experimented with many recipes for sour cream chicken enchiladas, which was my favorite Mexican dish growing up in Texas, where Tex-Mex food is so good it will make you weep in your salsa. I think this is, by far, the closest to enchiladas n my memory.

Cheesy Chicken Sour Cream Enchiladas

Begin by turning oven to 350.

Bone a deli roast chicken or cook and shred whole chicken or chicken breasts to yield about 2 1/2 c. chicken, chopped or shredded. Put in a big bowl.

Soften a dozen corn tortillas by putting them on a plate, sprinkling with water and inverting another plate on top and microwaving about a minute and a half.

In a big skillet, prepare cheese sauce.

Saute 1/2 chopped onion (you can also add some chopped green pepper here if you like) and 1 minced garlic clove in a little olive oil.

Add 2 1/2 c. half-n-half to the skillet, and heat until simmering around the edges.
To this mixture slowly stir in about a cup of grated cheese, any kind you like. This is a great recipe to use up bits of leftover cheese.
Add 1/4 c. bottled picante sauce
1 t. cumin powder

Now, Greg doesn't like little "bits" of onion and "green things" in his food, so at this point, I blend the cheese sauce in a blender to make it smooth for him.

Then ladle about 1 cup of the cheese sauce onto your bowl of chicken and mix until chicken in generously coated. (Adding more sauce if needed)

Put an oblong Pyrex casserole at the ready, spraying bottom with nonstick cooking spray.

Put a couple of Tablespoons or so, of chicken-cheese sauce mixture in each softened tortilla, roll up and place in pan. When your pan is full, pour rest of cheese sauce over all.

Then, put dollops of sour cream (about 2/3 cup) on top of enchiladas, and using a knife
swirl through the cheese, in a pretty pattern. Finally top with one more handful of grated cheese. Garnish with sliced jalapenos and bits of sundried tomato.

Bake until cheese is melted and edges are golden.

Wonderful served with fresh guacamole, chips, salad and fresh margaritas!

Okay, recipe for quac and margaritas?

Here ya go.

Guacamole:

2 avocados, peeled and mashed
1 minced clove garlic (I love those garlic presses for this)
Good squeeze of fresh lime (about 1 - 2 T.)
A pinch of sugar
Salt to taste
Seeded, chopped tomato if desired

Super Fresh Margaritas

Fill blender about 2/3 full with ice
2/3 c. - 1 c. white/clear tequila (better for those prone to headaches)
2 fresh limes, squeezed (if not very juicy, use more!)
1 big juicy fresh orange, squeezed (or 2 -3 seedless clementines)
real maple syrup or agave nectar to sweeten (this varues according to individual taste, but I don't like mine very sweet.)
(can also add 1/2 chopped fresh mango or 1 peach)

Blend until smooth, serve in salt-rimmed glasses and top each margarita with a squeeze of fresh orange or tangerine juice floating atop before serving.

These are very fresh tasting, with no corn syrup sweetener or artificial flavors. I am very prone to headaches from alcohol, but I can enjoy one of these with no ill effects.